the monotony is just banausic; its just so magnificently sombre that days feel like seasons of mists. i've been threading water all this while but everywhere i look, everyone is just dressed in that same, unending tenebrific blah. every figure is just another xeroxed version of each other, leaving carbon dust trials in its wake. it just makes me feel like a pall bearer at the funeral of hearts, bringing out the dead in a procession, yet at the same time i watch the funereal faces looking absolutely dolorous for one moment, but at the next it was lost in a vapid vapour. normalcy runs in its track, never skipping a groove. the measured beats of life blares out music for some, nusiance to me. and thus life becomes one big voyeur again: watching people in risque, satsifying sensual or egotistical desires. yet, at the same time i'm trying to complete the circuit that would grant me opportunites to establish points of association. yet it keeps tripping. and i feel so depleted and drained, and disappointed.
i feel like crying. urgh.
why those long faces. i never expect faceless people to actually bother with other's opinions. i mean, they don't seem to give a damn what criticisms they get; like having ducks' backs. after that they could just smile again and give snorting hooting giggles about those who were honest, albeit brutually, with them. i am faceless myself, and i take those criticisms gladly, because they are true. since life is a journey of self discovery it is certainly helpful to receive aid from those standing at the sidelines keeping a lookout for you while you are still so myopic in your worldview.
so why the long faces? c'mon cheer up. life is about ego, opinion, art, and commerce. its like a trade; you win and you lose sometimes. no one wins all the time. smile. maybe you will all look prettier that way.
when you are nice, you are not honest
when you are honest, you are not nice
when you are nice, people question you
when you are honest, people detest you
when you are nice, people mistrust you
when you are honest, people curse you
so when you want to be nice don't be honest
when you want to be honest don't be nice