Alone
I spent every Christmas alone, always, sitting in the room, alone, either reading, watching stupid christmas specials, or using the computer, alone. I wished I am out there with the bright lights, wandering around, soaking up the festive spirit. But no one invited you to go out and have fun, celebrate Christmas and stuff like that. So you decided, "Hey, I'm entitled to enjoy my Christmas too!" and headed downtown alone. But it's pretty sad to walk along Orchard Road alone. As you walked along, you saw people chattering away, laughing together, happy. In reality they paid no attention to the loner, but in your heart you felt as if their eyes mocked you with the question, "Why are you alone? It's Christmas." The void in your heart gnawed at you, and your mind was hurting. But you walked on. Alone. Each step was becoming heavier. Your grew so weary that you just want to sink to your knees, and lie in a heap there. But it's Orchard Road. You can't just collapse on the sidewalk, because the unforgiving folks will just trod on you. You shuffled about, alone, realising that you actually have no business here. You were not here to buy any presents, because you don't have anyone to give it to. You were not here to soak in the festive spirit. You got no pleasure viewing the bright decorations. No. You don't know why you were here. So, you turned back and headed home. Alone. You boarded the bus/MRT, and saw that all you had for company is the middle-aged bus-driver/aunty(whom doesn't even bother to notice your presence), whom obviously would not be able to carry a meaningful conversation with you. You glanced out of the window, and all the lights become blurry. It hurts your eyes so you look away. But you realised you really have nothing to look at, because you are alone. You are bored, so you sleep.
You awake, at your stop, and began walking to back to your home, alone. You reached your house/apartment/flat, and realised that everyone was asleep. So, quietly, you went to your room, and shut the door. Now you are alone in your room. Feeling depressed and moody, you switched on the computer, hoping to find some losers like you to talk to. You went online. You found no one, because everyone is out there, celebrating Christmas with their friends and loved ones. You are alone in the real world and in the virtual world. The futile trip downtown, the mocking eyes, the happy people, the sad you, the loneliness, was all too much for you. You broke down and wept for yourself, for the loser that was you.
Perhaps that was why I didn't go downtown. Merry Christmas, everybody. Hope you are all happy these holidays.